The Stretching Guy
Saturday night JJ and I were upstairs talking about happy hour and how he’s going to sublet my apt while I’m traveling and The Man With The Little Arms. It was a fairly long conversation; we were in the office for a half hour or so. By the time I got back downstairs the bar had filled up a bit and Kaiya was picking mint and laughing to herself. She told me to check out the guy against the wall stretching. Sure enough there was indeed a man, late 40’s, 6’1”, salt and pepper beard, thin, stretching.
Now I’ve stretched in public. At the park for instance, after a run, at the bottom of the Grand Canyon there in front of God and everyone I’ve stretched it out, lifted a leg up behind me, attempted to touch the toes. I’ve even been the guy off to the side of the airport gate stretching before the flight or the back of the plane next to the bathroom. Guilty as charged, I’m a little strange too. I’m pro-stretching. I think everyone should stretch, everyday. But this guy, well this guy had decided to drink mediocre blended scotch and stretch at Bruno’s, for 7 hours.
This is remarkable, not just because drunk stretching is a bad, potentially dangerous idea, but because this was no discreet toe touching in the corner. No this was Downward Facing Dog, in the middle of the bar among 65 or so of his fellow bar-goers, at 11 on Sat night. I’m making 3 mojitos and Stretching Guy is crouched, back to the wall, left leg extended, weight over his left crooked leg, then left leg in right leg out. I’m opening beer and he’s got his hands on his lower back and his face to the ceiling bent over backward. I’m shaking cucumber gimlets and he’s got a hand palm down on the bar and is contorting his body and neck away from the hand, making stretching specific noises. He’s also playing the air piano and switching barstools whenever a new one becomes available. By the time last call rolled around he was really starting to freak me out. He left the bar around 1:45, the most limber drunk man in all of California.
posted by jts @ 1:55 AM
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